these shots have been a long time coming...! for a lot of reasons. it's been a hard week. not like "oh-i'm-so-stressed-and-busy-it's-the-Christmas-season" kind of hard. like hard conversations and internal chaos. moments that have felt close to nervous breakdowns. lots of wrestling (with God and man). sleep deprivation and overcompensation and depression. all in the midst of the whole family being sick. and it's been hard to think about blogging. we haven't even taken my 20/20 shots the last 3 days! these thursday shots are the last ones we have (sorry - you missed some boring cute outfits! ok, actually, i think i wore this sweater every one of those days - by far my favorite item of clothing right now ;).
the outfit: sweater, anthro; jeans, thrifted; boots, thrifted; necklace, handmade from found objects; umbrella, gift (since destroyed accidentally by my boys)
here's some lines of a poem that came out of my processing of some of the hard stuff of the week:
on the interplay between control and insecurity
armored for a front line defense
but inside i've fallen apart
melted like jello at room temperature
just when i think i've found my voice, my form
you take it all away again
only shoulds
and i feel old and wrinkled
as though life has been stolen
but my own two shoes are not empty
and i have a shield and a glory
a lifter of my head
whom shall i fear?
so, it has a good "ending" now :) still some turmoil, but i know who is inviting my heart to more. drawing me in desire, loving and healing. walking this hard and beautiful journey with me.
ps. the manure layer in the backyard is looking more like dirt now, huh?
pps. sorry the pics are so grainy ("noisy", jason tells me is the proper term for digital photos) -it was almost dark - again.
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