hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahhaahhaahahahahahahahahaahaha...! pregnancy has DONE ME IN. those months of being sick, having to eat just to stop feeling nauseous, never enjoying food, but being forced to swallow it... and only certain things. chicken? eggs? salads? nope. cold cereal, sweets, cold fruity things... that's the kind of thing that i could stomach. i've been feeling better for like a month now, but most of those bad habits have just stuck around. eating all the time (at least it's generally because i feel hungry, not nauseous!! so wonderful), whatever i want...
which occasionally includes something healthy... i've been eating way more salads and veggies (but also plenty of bagels with cream cheese... mmm) - see my selection at rutabegorz last week!
jason is on summer break now, and is VERY interested in trying to eat healthy again... and i'm finding myself stalling... even though i have been gaining way too much weight at my monthly checkups...
and it's sort of disheartening when i do get up enough energy to cook a healthier meal, and it's a total FAIL. i have had very few FAIL meals during our marriage (i'm really good at following a recipe ;)... but this one last week was definitely one of them! couldn't stomach the grilled chicken (not just me - jason & joey had a hard time with it, too... ok, let's be honest - joey spit his out), the potatoes were gross, and the brussel sprouts were too bitter. boo. i just don't have enough energy to deal with this at this point (so pregnant ;)!
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| at least i got pretty pictures out of it ;) |
and exercise? not so much. during those months that i was sick, i think i went to the gym once? i put my membership on "hold" until after the baby comes...
the last couple of weeks, i've been trying to walk places more, and even doing a little morning workout at the park with other moms & kids (once every other week haha). i'm trying. but it just sort of feels "too late". i just get completely exhausted and so sore everywhere (NOT the intended muscle groups)... it sometimes seems not worth it. if it's going to exhaust me or make me hurt so that the already difficult daily tasks of life and mothering become even more difficult? i don't know...
this was not the "transformation" i was expecting when i started this blog... i was hoping to be able to document my process of becoming healthier... as my body became healthier and more in shape, you'd get to sort of be on the journey with me, as i shared style shots, meals and recipes, etc. but the only shape THIS body is becoming is very round. which is good (GREAT!) and normal as i have this little guy growing inside. but i'm amazed how much it has affected my emotional stance toward being healthy in general. currently, i am having not only a hard time staying healthy physically, but also emotionally & spiritually... i find myself constantly thinking about how in september, i won't be pregnant anymore (hooray!) and i guess unconsciously putting any strides toward healthiness on hold. but i don't want to do that.
this may be a "season", but i want to be really here in this season. present, engaged with life and God and people... and, as much as it sometimes doesn't seem like it, my food & exercise choices play into that. when i am healthy and engaged, i can even worship God as i eat. just delighting in different textures and spices as they play together... otherwise, it just ends up being "shovel it in, get it done". like this shot of what jason and i ate (part of) last week.
wow. such a difference from my deeper desires.
but, oh, help...
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