i have never been a health nut. i remember my mom taking us to health food stores growing up, buying wheat germ, carob chips (what's wrong with chocolate ones??), lentils by the pound. she was determined that we'd develop healthy eating habits: "where's your green vegetable?" Milk with every meal.
then i went to college. the options in the cafeteria were endless! i actually did eat some salads (of my own free will!), but it was mostly pizza and cereal and chocolate chip (not carob) waffles. i gained the freshman 15, and sometime around my junior year, i decided to start exercising. went to "the fitness center" for the first time in my life (had i ever even SEEN a treadmill in person?). reattempted running after a very long hiatus - my two best friends in high school were both cross-country runners, and i tried to run with them one time. i ended up having to wait for my parents to come pick me up, wheezing, from the top of the hill on Le Point Street. the doctor gave me an inhaler and diagnosed me with "exercise-induced asthma", never having heard a wheeze from me. (i definitely pulled THAT one out with my volleyball coach when she tried to get me to run laps with everyone else... she didn't buy it.) at some point, i grew out of supposed asthma; then i was just out of shape - that's why i couldn't breathe when i ran (i'm sure the LA smog didn't help either ;)
so, since all that, i have gone through phases - eating healthy and exercising (or not) for various reasons: my cholesterol was too high, get that heart healthy!, jason wanting me to for togetherness' sake, pregnancy, gallstones... i have never been one to be motivated by losing weight, or body image... but the less clothes that fit, the more motivated i'm becoming!! post baby number one, i lost some of the FIFTY POUNDS i gained while pregnant, mostly the day he was born. but i kept the rest of it, safe and secure around my belly! i've always carried most of my weight there. people always (have the gall to) ask me if i'm pregnant. ever since i gained 15 pounds the first year of marriage, it's been "are you pregnant?" no. and then they try to backpedal "oh, it must be that style of shirt" or "your posture", or "really? huh - it's just that you're so skinny everywhere else!" thanks. that helps (no, it doesn't). Me and a girl at work have a club (we're the only two brave souls in it so far) for people who get asked if they're pregnant when they're not. we come up with sassy replies like "no, just fat!" haha actually, i've never been able to say anything remotely sassy in the face of embarrassment like that. i just shrink. and NOW that i've kept all that extra pregnancy weight on since joey was born (over 19 months ago now!!), people i don't know often just ASSUME i'm pregnant: "oh, is it going to be a little brother or sister?" or "getting some balloons for the baby shower? congratulations!" i see a lot of people wondering, looking at my belly, trying to figure out a good way to ask... "so, have you talked about having a second?" or, even more subtle, "do people always bug you about when you're gonna have a second?" but i know what they really mean... and i'm sick of it! not of them. of my own inability to have self-discipline. to stay on the harder path to health and wholeness. of the belly itself! sick of clothes not fitting, of not being able to choose clothes i LOVE because it highlights this area, of people thinking i'm pregnant, of not looking and feeling my best.
i tend to have very little energy. i blame it on trying to keep up with a very active toddler that constantly needs me; or not enough alone time; or sleep deprivation. i'm sure those (plus more) are all part of it. but i sometimes wonder if it's also this spare tire weighing me down...! if i was exercising my body, becoming strong and fit, if i was putting better nutrients in, would energy come pouring out?
there are a thousand reasons that being fit and healthy are good for me, mind body and soul... but somehow it's still hard to stay motivated. i have some sort of emotional crisis (argument, disappointment, depression), and it all flies out the window. or chick-fil-a is having a(nother) promo, and i can't resist the free cholester-- i mean food! or i go to get a snack, and "can't find anything", so end up with some empty-calorie pre-packaged food, chilling in the cupboard for just such a time.
SOOOOO... i'm starting this blog. for motivation, for accountability, for fun! i've been reading lots of creative blogs lately, and have been LOVING some of the fashion ones, complete with savers thrift store finds, and awesome photo shoots (like this one), so i thought this could be a good chance to have a little fun of my own! documenting the transformation in my health and wholeness via my wardrobe... (see last post on my art & life blog for more of an explanation of that: http://rustyartist.blogspot.com/2011/07/renegade.html )
so, i made a new meal plan - healthy, fresh, and fun, have big ideas for getting organized enough to keep healthy snacks in the house (and unhealthy ones out!), joined a gym (words i never thought i'd say), and i'm blogging!
as of today, i am 5'9 1/2" tall (that probably won't change) and 197lbs (that hopefully will, as this journey progresses. i'm not looking to "diet", or to "lose weight" specifically. my goal here is truly to be HEALTHY. WHOLE. closer to the original intention of how i was designed. to be transformed. i am actively seeking health and wholeness in lots of other areas of my life right now, too - mental, emotional, marital, relational, spiritual). i don't have a list of rules that i plan to stick to. i still plan to bake - something i really enjoy - but maybe just SHARE more of it! so you're welcome to ask me about this journey, but don't expect me to say "i have completely cut out ___" or "i commit to exercising for _____ every day". i long to live this out freely... enjoying time exercising (zumba classes, family hikes, swimming), being creative in my cooking - a goal i've had for a while, being HERE in this present moment, fully engaged with my own heart, and God, and people around me, and life!
so here goes............
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