homemade bread

yes, i joined the rest of the country in the new year's resolution thing. we have been longing to move toward healthier habits, and the new year (ok, post-holidays being the main factor ;) seemed like a good time! we still haven't completely made a "plan"... but we're choosing healthier, more natural foods. i decided to try my hand at baking some wheat bread (i don't think i've ever made a yeast bread before, besides that awesome pizza crust i told you about before!)... i had some whole wheat flour, and after not finding any recipes online that didn't require bread flour (i wanted to use what i had on hand, not go shopping on new year's day!), i checked the bag of flour, and it had a recipe! it turned out pretty good...not the best bread i've ever had, but it's healthy and fresh and natural... and tastes that way! 

so far, we've tried it with butter (yummy, but not a part of our new eating habits ;) and with an egg... i assume other people call this egg-in-a-hole, too? that's what we always called it in my family! just cut a hole in the middle of the bread (i used a champagne flute), spray a pan with cooking spray, put the bread in, and crack an egg in the middle! flip at some point, until egg is cooked as desired - super-simple, and fun for kids and adults alike ;)
and tastes great with a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice from our tree (which we just realized today bears seedless oranges - is that normal?)... if anyone needs some oranges, let us know!

just as we were about to sit down to eat our egg-in-a-holes, my sister pointed out that joey's antics were making him a joey-in-a-hole! we both scrambled for our cameras, but this was the best i got (he really wasn't sad - he was having lots of hyper-fun! just caught it at the wrong moment ;)

also, i've been journaling and making art all two days so far this year - you can follow my daily creativity here at my other blog... also, i'm about to floss for the second night in a row (not that i haven't always done it completely consistently... ;)

20/20: (non)day 19

i didn't get dressed today.
(note: i wrote this yesterday)

i wore pajamas ALL DAY. 

and a hat. 

i decided it was okay to skip one day, because i actually only wore 19 out of my 20 pieces this whole time. 

i had originally included those maroon pleated stretchy pants in my twenty pieces (see this post for reference), but never found a way to successfully style them with the rest of my pieces. so you're actually getting 19 pieces in 19 days instead of 20 ;) tomorrow is the final day (and then it's christmas eve!) and then i get to pull out my boxes of clothes that have been hiding these last three weeks, play, and decide about "twenty pieces" before the new year!

i didn't get dressed, but i DID cook :) i made pizza! all homemade (crust, sauce, etc) - and i'm gonna share my recipe with YOU! it's really a compilation of three recipes: Crust (my childhood best friend's family recipe), Pesto (Joy of Cooking), and the rest of the toppings (Cooking Light)

i included this picture so i could talk about how much i HATE these pop cans! for no reason other than they startle me and it stresses me out ;) also, sometimes to make things easier/faster, i do just pop one of these open... but you'll see, my homemade crust is WAY better ;)

Newell family pizza dough recipe:
microwave 2 cups of water for 2 minutes. pour into large bowl and sprinkle 3 Tablespoons yeast on surface. add 1 egg, 1/4 cup oil (to make it healthier, Kim's mom used safflower oil in her recipe - i usually don't have any on hand, so use canola or whatever vegetable oil you have), 1 1/2 teaspoons salt, and 6 Tablespoons honey. whisk to combine. then add 6 1/2-7 cups flour (i have used both white and whole wheat flours in the past - both taste great!). you know it's the right consistency when it's tacky, but doesn't actually stick to your fingers. transfer to two oiled pizza pans and stretch to fit.

Pesto:
put in food processor and grind to a rough, slightly chunky paste:
2 cups fresh basil leaves
1/3 cup pine nuts
2 cloves garlic
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese 
(i actually used Romano this time because i forgot to buy parmesan - still good :)
then slowly pour in through feed tube with machine running:
1/2 cup olive oil
salt and pepper (i ALWAYS forget these)


spread evenly over dough, leaving a half to an inch around the edge.
this recipe makes enough for both pizzas (or make one and freeze the rest for next time! or use it tomorrow in some pasta - mmm i love pesto...) the first time i had pesto pizza was in Vernazza, Cinque Terre, Italy - and i made my own version a bunch of time after getting home. but once i found this Red Grape Chicken Pesto pizza recipe in Cooking light, i converted :)

Toppings:
add 1 1/2 cups seedless red grapes, halved, scattered across pesto.
top with 8 ounces shredded rotisserie chicken breast 
(i've measured this at about 1 1/2 breasts, if you don't have a scale).

top with 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
4 ounces fresh mozzarella, thinly sliced

sprinkle 3 Tablespoons grated Romano cheese
and a little black pepper

bake in 475-degree oven for 12-15 minutes, or until crust is golden!

sprinkle with 1/4 cup sliced green onions (i also always forget this step, but i had to include a shot of it in my post because of the lovely ombre color effect - heck yeah - fashion and food crossover - that's right! ;)

for the record, if i WOULD have gotten dressed today, i would have probably tried combining number 10 (teal lacy anthro top) with number 18 (striped off-white/blue skirt) somehow, and added some leggings and boots ;)

how many months? and joey is two???

yep, it's that time again - my monthly shed shots and update. where has the last month gone?? OH that's right... i have been overcommitted! i always thought that fell to those who just don't know how to say "no" or just don't know themselves well enough to know what their strengths are and what fuels them... but every opportunity i committed to and came to a head during this time was something that totally corresponds to what God has been doing and developing in me - all things i have been so excited about. looking through the list, even after living through october & november, i can't really bring myself to discount any one of them:

1) Uptown WHBC decor (updated for fall with branchy trees, fall leaves, thanks stuff, new colors)

2)Light of Christmas Boutique - the thing i probably enjoyed MOST - just get so energized playing with art & jewelry-making - even though i only sold 3 things ;)

3) three weddings and two receptions as one of my sister's bridesmaids in the midst of an 8-day trip across el salvador and honduras

4) handmade name tags and gift bags for the 120 attendees of our church women's retreat

5)joey's (veggietales-themed) 2nd birthday party

and

6)one more wedding reception, this time in california

plus all the daily weekly "stuff" of life. it was too much. but not. it was for a season, and as of today, that season is over (and i have decided never to have a party again ;)

so you may have guessed that i've had a hard time sticking with any type of "healthy habits" in this season. i haven't even exercised since before we left for honduras AT ALL (2 weeks+), and have been eating the local cuisine (pupusas? fried corn tortilla-ish things stuffed with refrieds beans & cheese - heck yes - and joey will eat them, too)

so it's recovery day today, and as i've been able to rest, reconnect with people and God and my own soul, i find the desire re-emerging. i did cook some last week, but have no beautiful documentary evidence so you'll have to wait till next time! ;)

the outfit: month shorts (yes, a few days ago when we shot these, it was warm enough to wear this - not so much now ;): thrifted; red top: thrifted; ruffly top: styles 4 less (or some other outlet shop of it's kind - i can't remember); belt: thrifted; jean jacket: thrifted; wrist cuff: handmade; hair flower, light of christmas boutique, made by my friend Teri Jo :)

joey's one love in life is veggietales, so we did a themed 2nd birthday party, complete with bob & larry cake pops and balloons, and bob pinata (of course made by me ;) - which was indestructible, even after my husband followed up the kids' attempts by beating it to a pulp, until he finally grabbed it & ripped it apart. oops ;)
below, you'll see my adorably tired little birthday boy. he refused to take a nap this day... he's TWO! unbelievable.

a night in Los Angeles... at work.

for those of you who don't know, i've been a nurse at children's hospital of los angeles for 8 years now (!)

 i only work occasionally now (like one 12-hour shift a month ;) so i can mostly stay home with joey full-time and play with art and stuff sometimes (much less than i feel like i should be able to, being so lucky to stay home and all... but what they say about motherhood being full-time is SO TRUE! i always have this little person tagging along, wanting to be with me, needing me almost every minute! and i love it. ;) 

these lovely instagrammers were taken in the breakroom during my lunch - ha ha.

you'll get better photos next time i hope ;)

so usually when i'm running out the door to work is the time i'm least concerned with healthy habits, but today, i had made these chicken strips (got randomly inspired to cook during joey's nap!), and they turned out so yummy! and we had these cherries that it turns out were super-sweet (but still firm - can't eat me no squishy cherries ;)

so there you have it - chicken and cherries! i wonder if those could be combined into a dish somehow... it'd have to have some cool name that also started with ch... 

a little honesty

my amazing apron...

 i love this apron. it's made from vintage fabrics, and so colorful and fun! i saw it at Luna Sol in Uptown Whittier, and couldn't pass it up. isn't it lovely? makes me want to cook just thinking about it!  also, this is probably the only time you'll see this handkerchief... also vintage - handed down to me by my mom :) i love how stuff cycles through like that. she was here a couple weeks ago, and was wearing a dress that i've seen her wear all my life, but suddenly this time i realized it was trendy! ha!

so i'm sorry all of my posts have been "fashion" lately... i had a lot of them to post (a month & a half overdue!) but the reason goes deeper. after my surgery, i had to eat super-lowfat, and i thought "hey, this is good! it's forcing me to eat how i want to be anyways!" but after a week or so of this, the doctor cleared me with the decree "no restrictions!". i took that and ran with it! nothing held back. all i'd been missing (for one week! how pathetic is that?? so many people go a lifetime with restrictions, and i can't go 2 weeks...?). i also couldn't exercise while i was recovering, and so it seemed to all "fall by the wayside". chick fil a? heck yes! i wasn't cooking while i was regaining my energy, and that all took a couple weeks.

so, all that to say, i feel like i'm getting back into the health groove. i went to the gym the last 2 days, and cooked today, and even ate an apple! ;) my heart is once again turning toward the desire to live whole and healthy and fully aware and alive.

it's funny how i don't (can't?) blog about this stuff until i've "made it past". like somehow admitting i failed is okay, but only if i've figured out a plan to get back on track. strive, strive, strive. reminds me of how i often treat God. when i am having a hard time in my relationship with him, i sometimes feel defensive, and only offer what i think he wants me to be, rather than where i'm actually at. until that magic moment where what i believe he wants, and who i truly am seem to coincide - THEN i can come to him with a truly open heart. but i was reminded today that he wants me. where i'm at. no matter what.

less one part, all the more whole

i had my gallbladder taken out on tuesday. it has been a much bigger deal than i was expecting. they say "outpatient", and my expectations for recovery time immediately drop in half, at least. i asked the surgery coordinator about the recovery process, and she said i needed to have someone with me for 24 hours (while the general anesthesia effects wear off), and after that i'd be sore for a couple days...

yeah, not so much. i mean, she's right that the first 24 (ok, 48) hours were the worst. i couldn't eat - SO nauseous, couldn't rest because of the pain, definitely still groggy postop. "clear liquids at first, then lowfat & resume normal diet as tolerated." i couldn't even take a sip of juice, a bite of jello, or a lick of a popsicle!

gives me a lot more compassion for post-surgical patients (the main population i work with as a nurse)! being on the "other side" in general was a weird feeling. trusting the doctors and nurses, when you know full well the kinds of conversations and distractions that constantly happen in the course of a routine procedure... i was a little bit extra-wary going into this, knowing a fellow nurse who had the same surgery in the same place, and ended up in the ICU on a ventilator because of liver failure. MONTHS later, she was out and back to work. but i just had to trust that whatever happened, God knows and God loves. i was in good hands (and the surgeon that did my operation actually invented the “laparoscopic cholecystectomy”, along with some of the tools used to perform it, so i felt in especially capable human hands J)

i am so glad my mom was here (until this morning, when she flew back to hawai’i) – it was impossible to keep joey from running over and jumping onto me, my belly, up in my arms, without the loving help of Mima! and she cooked and cleaned, too, while i just sat around and looked at blogs & read & watched movies on Netflix.

all that to say, i definitely have one more good reason to eat healthier now! i’ve been “forced” to eat lowfat these first few days at least, and i’ve actually been enjoying it (except i need to get me some lowfat peanut butter – pretty sure i can’t live without peanut butter ;). here is my lunch today, thanks to dear friends who brought us a meal last night. 

 barbecued chicken with cowboy caviar on top

 (i'm pretty sure the "cowboy caviar" - a sort of salsa with avocado, corn, and black beans added - was for the chips they also brought; but i was sticking with lowfat as much as possible, so i scooped it atop my chicken, and mmmm delicious!)

about wholeness… 

i had been feeling a little lost these last few weeks. a crazy summer, full of people and places (i’m sure so many can relate), expectations and pressures, doubts and confusion about me, God, love…

this “time off” from any demands or expectations whatsoever have given me a chance to see how much i entrench myself in those responsibilities, at the expense of my own heart.

 in the midst, it’s so hard to recognize. 

you just think, 

oh, i just have to get through THIS, and then things (i) will be back to “normal”.

 Jason even tried to proactively send me off with time to meet with God and recover my heart… 

and with everything going on, i was resistant to it, even feeling like it was one more pressure… but it was so not. it was wisdom. and his good heart toward me. wanting me to be open and free and loved.

 it took taking a step back to see it. and i’m so glad i did. 

thank you for this time. to reconnect with you, with my desires and passion and creativity and love. i feel so much more fully alive in this place. 

one month in

 i decided i want to do a monthly "update post", with some new shots of me, and how the month has gone. and as a cue so you'll know it's one of the "month" shots, to take them with the shed each time, and wearing my favorite jean shorts.
so, my update is this: a month in, and i'm at 192lbs and 5'9 1/2" tall (hopefully that won't change...? ;)
but more importantly, i am making healthier choices. loving the gym (except when joey gets sick afterwards two weeks in a row :( boo). as far as food, it hasn't been perfect! but i've been trying to cook more often, so we're eating out less. and the foods i've been making, i've been enjoying - they're colorful and lovely and all spiced and herbed and yum. jason has been loving it, too... joey's a little pickier. currently looking for ideas for healthy foods that look good and my toddler will eat! besides grapes (had to get another costco box of 'em today, we're downing them so fast (the last box was bought this weekend - we never go through fruit this fast!)!

this outfit is almost too matchy-matchy. look at the purse and the shoes! (bought by two different people in two different stores, two different years - uncanny! ;) but i love it :)
the only part i "made" is the bracelets - any  guesses what they're made out of?

maybe it was bad (or good?) timing...

i brushed my teeth tonight - and flossed, and washed my face!  it's been a couple weeks (maybe three!)... not since i've done those things, but since i've done them in preparation for going to sleep at night. in the name of healthy skin and teeth. it's been three weeks since i've been able to focus on "being healthy". i was cooking healthy and enjoying it, heading out to exercise (and just choosing to move more in general), getting "ready" for bed every night... and then it all went out the window. what happened?? it wasn't a tempting piece of chocolate cake, or laziness, or lack of desire to exercise, which you might think would be the typical culprit. no, it's been a combination of things, but the main two i think are:

1) a lack of time, and
2) emotional upheaval.

just a few days after beginning this venture into health and wholeness and documenting the journey, life got a little crazy! my sister, who lives in Honduras and is getting married there in November, had planned to come to California to get a bunch of the "bridal stuff" out of the way (you know: wedding dress shopping, bridal party outfits, showers, etc.), and my parents were coming from Hawai'i to help (and see us and my getting-too-big-too-fast Joey boy ;).

can you tell she's planning a colorful wedding? we got our invitation in the mail this weekend (after making them with her ;), and it's a little booklet that looks like the very hungry caterpillar - so cute! and bright! she's having her bridesmaids wear one each of these colors - and so we used them as the theme for all the shower food and decor! isn't that panty bunting awesome? loved how it turned out, and it doubled as a gift afterwards, too!)

 so we were expecting a bit of a crazy time. but then, my grandpa died just before they were all coming. so they came earlier, which was awesome! but also crazy! and adding in a funeral and a memorial service and preparations like making slideshows to our already crazy list... so i have not had my usual solitude time, or any real chance to plan these steps toward health (something, it has become clear, that is necessary; make a meal plan, go grocery shopping, decide what classes to head to at the gym, have healthy snacks pre-prepared in the fridge waiting...). my family has been amazing, and so not demanding at all. my sister is NOT a "bridezilla" - she's awesome like that. it's just the general chaos that happens when people are around all the time, trying to figure out myself where to invest my time, and wanting to help, all the while knowing how badly i need "my time"...

which brings me to the second issue: emotional "stuff". i can be making healthy choices, really ENJOYING eating less and better, exercising in ways that delight me (eg. dancing to loud music ;)... but the minute jason and i (or anyone, really) have some kind of argument - a misunderstanding, one of us is hurt, or disappointed - i lose it. i go to immediately feeling "hopeless", and any higher personal goals just disappear in my treading water trying to get back to "okay".  that is such an unhealthy pattern that is so securely entrenched in me. so insecure that as soon as something happens that feels like it questions my worth, i agree wholeheartedly - i am not worth it. and as long as i stay there, i can't successfully focus on health and wholeness. part of why it's "whole"ness, i guess - all aspects of me are so tied together. they all affect each other.

a friend invited me (and joey) over to have lunch with her and her little girls, and was asking me "how it's going"... i had already written most of this post, and was half surprised when she reiterated the truth of my hindrances to healthiness (she being someone to whom healthy living has always come sort of naturally... at least more naturally than me :) so i guess it's more universal than just me! it's hard work. stuff gets in the way. but (now that things have gone back to - somewhat - normal), i've been able to get back to zumba class, and eating better, and brushing my teeth, and even had a great counseling session today. so back on the right path!

i wonder if it really was bad timing starting this just before our world got crazy, or if it was good 'cause it helped me work through some of these barriers early on, so i can recognize them when they start to come up again, later in the process when i might not be feeling so motivated...?

my healthy snack last night...

i usually can only tolerate a snack that includes both sugar and flour (ie. something baked :) i look at everything else in the cupboards and fridge, and say "we don't have anything to eat"... but i've been feeling so much healthier the last few days - able to make "healthy choices"... so last night THIS was my snack - and it was delicious, and i went to bed without feeling hungry later that night! :)

some ways i've been moving toward health and wholeness since starting this blog:

* food - a big one. eating reasonably-sized portions (much smaller than my traditional average)... choosing healthy foods whenever possible... cooking healthier, more colorful meals... still enjoying a cup of chai or mexican hot chocolate here and there (along with some fresh flowers and ripe apricots at the street fair in uptown whittier last night :) - i don't believe in total deprivation ;)

my attempt at fashionable gym attire... ok mostly i just liked the headband - i used just a stretchy black one, but topped it with a strip of lace... i can't help "altering" what i wear. :)

*exercise: enjoying heading to the gym these hot summer mornings for my own self-directed cardio and circuits, or... ZUMBA! i've taken a few classes now, and it is so much fun! it's like i'm playing... learning dance moves and working out my body at the same time... i come out sweaty, but loving it! so much high energy from the teachers (and loud music: salsa, hip-hop, zumba! my ears take a little while to recover...). i just wish i could keep up with the constantly changing steps and movements... i have never been a dancer, and some of the steps (and hip shaking: "muevela bompe bompe!") feel completely counterintuitive to me. and it seems like everyone else does it just fine... i'm sure most of the ones i'm seeing have been doing it for a while, so they're used to the tempo & what steps happen where. but i

truly feel like i'm living out the whole "two left feet" thing - i feel bad for the people behind me, hoping to follow me as i can see the instructor better than them... good luck with that! i find myself having the urge to quit, thinking "oh, it just comes naturally to these little latina girls; this white girl just can't dance - might as well give it up". but i really have the desire to push through, work hard at something, and learn to excel at what did not just "come naturally" to me. it's risky. but part of being healthy for me is being brave. stepping out and trusting.

 *brushing & flossing my teeth, and washing my face at night - healthy skin & healthy teeth - two things that are usually the first to go by the wayside when i'm lacking energy. but the last four nights, i've been making the effort, and somehow it seems to keep reinforcing the cycle, and i feel healthier all around!

*counseling & spiritual direction: it was a good week. learned some things about myself and how i reflect God's image like no one else. learning to love. steps in the right direction.

healthy steps.

toward freedom.