what i wore yesterday

...and 3 1/2 months ago when we took these original photos that never got posted :) that was before i knew i was pregnant (though the post/pre-baby belly might indicate otherwise ;) it's much bigger now - see the last two pics of me for evidence. i am now halfway through my pregnancy, and we found out last week that it's a BOY! joey's going to have a little brother (and going to be such a good big brother :)

outfit: tank, thrifted; butterflies & pants, target; shoes, thrifted and altered; necklace, handmade from hardware and lace

my "style" while pregnant largely revolves around comfort. all things stretchy take precedence. so these pants & tank & flowy whatever-it-is are PERFECT for these last days before summer heat begins to hit socal! i'm curious to see how things will change post-baby again. currently i look at most of the clothes that i was loving this fall/winter (like this and this and this) and think NO WAY. i never plan to wear that again, simply because at this moment it either doesn't fit, or looks way too uncomfortable. looking through my closet yesterday, i became very tempted to clean out like 75% of it. but i resisted because i know i won't be pregnant forever (even though it feels like it with this lingering sickness!!), and some of those have been my favorite pieces in the past! however, in the process, i did discover that my 50 pieces from the beginning of the year has slowly crept up to 73 (due in part to bringing out the maternity clothes from hiding), but i only wear like 25% of it (hence the temptation to remove the other 75%). maybe i'll get rid of a few... or start wearing less outfits involving sweats being more creative in my wardrobe, even while pregnant. i find that i feel so much more like myself and alive and engaged when i keep being creative - in clothes, too - so maybe i will... maybe i will.

original occasion: hanging out in LA with my love, Jan.5.2012

yesterday's occasion: GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE. we went to chick-fil-a out of necessity (and because it's one of joey's favorite places ever). april.23.2012... 19 1/2 weeks pregnant

and this was the outfit my 2-year-old insisted on wearing - ha! he's gonna have his own "personal style" blog soon ;)

 ps... for those of you who saw me yesterday, and are thinking "that's not what she was wearing!", you are right. that's because i wrote this post last night and just couldn't get the photos to cooperate, so it's not getting posted till today. so don't think i would ever lie to you ;)

i'm here

i breathe in blogged beauty, and i am inspired.   

to write. to let my heart become available once again. be seen.    

loved or rejected, to be me. 

these last few months of silence have been… hard. so much sick, so much tired, so much feeling like i’ve lost my own self in trying to successfully nurture life within and take care of the gifts of man and son i’ve already been given. 

my man, he is wonderful… i call him on his lunch break to let him know how my day has been, and inevitably it sounds like “i’ve been sick, the boy is whiney and driving me crazy, and i can’t get off the couch, much less do the shopping and cooking and cleaning that needs to be done. i can’t even find the energy for a shower.” and his response is all love to my soul. “your job right now is to take care of that baby growing inside and our boy. are they fed? alive? then you’re doing a great job.” 

but they need more than i can give right now and the tears fall more often these days. and in the midst of feeling like i can’t (and should be able to) do it all, that old enemy shame creeps in unnoticed. if i notice, i can take a truth-stand. but it has so many years been the shape of my soul, to know the deeply-something-wrong-with-me feeling, that i so often don’t see it. i’ll notice a day or two (or month) later that i feel disconnected from people, God, life, my own heart. 

these past three months have just been so full of nausea and exhaustion that i rarely find a moment to even take stock, so it builds. 

until some miraculous moment that is God, even when i think it’s not.

like reading comments on a blog post for an hour yesterday that suddenly made me feel less alone. that i’m not crazy. that really engaging my heart with life is the way i can best love Jesus… not the “shoulds”.  even if that looks messy for now.

or what was supposed to be a “romantic comedy” being something else entirely to my heart, honing in on these painful messages of shame that continue to haunt me in the moments i am unaware and leave up no defense; ending up in sobbing tears while folding laundry afterwards, as i remember the woman who could not ask for help, and said to her sister “I’m sorry i make it impossible to love me”…

 or a beautiful post about somebody’s mama that makes me see that being the most me-ish i can be, free and unfettered, is not selfishness, but truly worship of the One who made me that way and delights.

so i come back to my blog, unsure. what it’s about, what it needs to be about, what my heart needs to say… how my words and images can be love to the One and to the ones who need him, too. to connect with the alone-feelers, the shame-fighters, the worshipers, the beauty-delighters, the artists, the recovering perfection-addicts…  

i guess my blog is going to remain a little undefined right now… art? beauty? style? God? maybe. but who i am, my heart experiencing life, really? yes, i think so.

el chubasco

 so i didn't exactly keep up with these "weekly" as intended... and apparently i've been waiting till i wear each outfit again to post about it (these shots were taken weeks ago now) - wore this last sunday...

the main reason, though, that i haven't been posting regularly is... i'm pregnant. and therefore, a) i have been feeling AWFUL and completely exhausted and can't find the energy to even sit and blog, and b) i wasn't allowed to talk about it for a few weeks after i knew, so it has been impossible to post!! i have a really hard time keeping secrets ;) but we finally made all our widespread announcements last week (the final one being facebook ;) so now i can tell you!

first thought about this blog & being pregnant was... 

good thing i didn't do twenty pieces!!! 

it'd be literally impossible to limit my wardrobe to that many pieces when my size and shape has already begun to dramatically change, and will do so drastically for the next 8 months...! 

 so, anyways... the outfit: vintage wool blazer, thrifted; top, thrifted; jeans, thrifted; shoes, TOMS, christmas gift from my husband - love. bracelets, thrifted; rings, inherited; necklace, handmade.

 erica thought i was cool brave for leaving the shoulder pads in this awesome blazer... the truth is: pure laziness. that, and jentine almost convinced me they were okay... but looking at the pictures i'm not so sure ;)

 now you know...

union station

 one of my sisters (who shall remain nameless ;) texted me yesterday: "I have no idea what's going on in your life cause you haven't blogged in so long! Lol" there are reasons for my long absences, some of which i've already mentioned here, and some of which i won't go into (yet ;). but it inspired me to post one of the shoots from LA earlier this month... this is the same outfit i wore to church sunday, too - but it looked way cooler at union station ;)

 the outfit: dress, ross; sheer top,  charlotte russe (gift from the same sister as above ;); belt, thrifted; boots, thrifted; necklace, handmade; bracelets, handmade by becca & thrifted

 please ignore the hanging strap dangling so lov-e-ly there on my shoulder ;) 

those are no longer a part of this top as of sunday 

oh, how i love union station. from the first moment i walked through the door as a teenager, i couldn't help feeling small - i am standing in a building so grand, full of thousands of people going all different places, with all different lives... in an old-fashioned-feeling kind of way.

 funny story... so this couple is sitting near where we are shooting, and they look like they are just there because it's an awesome place to sit. not going anywhere... so the girl, after watching us for a minute, decides to take a guess at "what's happening here". and she very intuitively says "you make jewelry and have a website, and you're shooting photos to showcase them... and maybe the clothes, too" i told her about my blog, and how i did make my necklace. she said, "it's beautiful. list it for twice what you were planning to sell it for." funny how encouraging words from a random stranger can actually have an effect... makes me think more about interacting with people! (this shot, above, was me talking to her :)

 oh, and, Kristy, after looking at these shots, i realized... we were there at 10:50 ;) next time we're there at the same time, we should actually see each other ;)
also, this post wins for the most winky-face-emoticons ever in one blog post - 7. i don't even think i wink in real life...

trends

you (faithful blog followers of mine - all 4 of you ;) may have noticed my recent absence... eleven days?? i apologize for my absence... i started a daily online art class on january 9th, and so have been dedicating my creative time to my studio, instead of to outfit posts. and plan to continue to do so... BUT before the class started, jason and i went into LA and took some outfit shots... my plan is to try to post one a week, just to keep you engaged over here ;) in the meantime, check out my artistic adventures over at rustyartist.blogspot.com!

the outfit: polka-dot blouse: thrifted; sweater, thrifted; skirt, thrifted; shoes, ross; feather necklace and flower ring, charlotte russe


i love everything about this outfit. the polka dot silkiness, the detail on the sweater and that it's orange... the flower ring makes me smile every time i see it... and as soon as i saw these feathers, i knew i was taking them home with me. while i feel like this outfit is sort of following style blogger trends a little too closely, i also can't help love it! and it even makes me look like i have a waist! ;) i also love everything about the wall behind. peeling paint over rusty metal? sign me up! and the font is all old school (and it's got my initial ;) 

 so, i'll see you next week sometime, hopefully! well... technically, you'll see me... semantics. ;)

handmade style

'

i made an apron for art-making! 

i had this t-shirt dress for years, and always loved the crocheted details, but it never fit well, so when i was weeding out my closet, contemplating twenty pieces, and simplifying, this one was on its way out. but i found a way to keep it for a very necessary purpose! i've wanted a studio apron forever, and just never bought one... so i was like, make it! of course! 

you can see my little informal DIY over here, 

including a video tutorial on how to make fabric flower rosettes if you are interested...

these little rosettes are very versatile: i used them on an apron meant to be destroyed by paint and other fun, but my sister had me make some for her wedding dress! those are the four wedding colors - each of the bridesmaids wore a different color dress, made by my amazing sister, jenna (and wore a matching flower in their hair that i was making at midnight before the wedding :) so sort of rustic and homey-feeling in some contexts can be fancy in another! :)

souvenirs from india (someone else's trip ;)

when i was sorting through everything for twenty pieces, i knew this piece would probably be on it's way out. it's not really practical or even fashionable. wouldn't fit with a lot of other pieces. but i wore it and loved it! these shots were taken on december 27th, and i thought they were going to be a goodbye tribute to it... but i somehow felt more like "me" wearing it. sort of artisty and outside the box and comfy... so i kept it :) i know i'm anything but indian, but i love this. 

the outfit: top: thrifted; leggings, thrifted; boots, gift; necklace, handmade/altered; bangles, thrifted

by the way, even though these were shot over a week ago, this IS actually what i'm wearing right now :)

me